Bad beat/Moan/Venting Thread - BBV Archive 2

[Zod]

What hellish place do you work in where you have to justify what you do on your holidays?!

Lagos, Nigeria.
Attention: The Estimated Teacher

Dear Sir,

Confidential Business Proposal

Having consulted with my colleagues and based on the information gathered from the Nigerian Chambers Of Hilarity And Joke-Getting, I have the privilege to request your assistance to transfer the sum of $47,500,000.00 (forty seven million, five hundred thousand Humour dollars) into your accounts. The above sum resulted from an over-invoiced joke, executed, commissioned and paid for about five years (5) ago by a foreign forums poster. This action was however intentional and since then the joke has been in a suspense account at The Central Bank Of Nigeria Comedy Bank.

We are now ready to transfer the joke overseas and that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as civil servants, we are forbidden to get jokes; that is why we require your assistance. The total sum will be shared as follows: 70% for us, 25% for you and 5% for local and international jokes incidental to the transfer.

The transfer is risk free on both sides. I am an accountant with the Nigerian National Humour Corporation (NNPC). If you find this proposal acceptable, we shall require the following documents:

(a) your banker's name, telephone, account and fax numbers.

(b) your private telephone and fax numbers —for confidentiality and easy communication.

(c) your letter-headed paper stamped and signed.

Alternatively we will furnish you with the text of what to type into your forum post reply, along with a breakdown explaining, comprehensively what we require of you. The business will take us thirty (30) working days to accomplish.

Please reply urgently.

Best regards

Howgul Abul Arhu

[ArmaniJeans]

Are there any websites where you can search air fares by price first rather than location?

skyscanner allow you to leave out all filters and just search by price.

[MrPillowTalk]

Students got their Semester 1 grades today, and am getting quite a few emails saying 'I don't agree with my grade, let's talk about it'. Haven't come across that before - is that an Irish thing? How would someone with 12 weeks x 2 hours a week worth of knowledge of a subject feel they are more qualified to assess their grade than a (supposed) expert in the area who had written the exam paper? Got to admire the confidence though!

I predict a lot of blow jobs in your near future.

[Raoul Duke III]

so aside from potentially me and potentially The Duke who else is coming along to the Sporting tonight to be potentailly sexually harassed by bangkok chickboys?

You make it sound so glamorous

[Lord Sir Banter]

Students got their Semester 1 grades today, and am getting quite a few emails saying 'I don't agree with my grade, let's talk about it'. Haven't come across that before - is that an Irish thing? How would someone with 12 weeks x 2 hours a week worth of knowledge of a subject feel they are more qualified to assess their grade than a (supposed) expert in the area who had written the exam paper? Got to admire the confidence though!

I predict a lot of blow jobs in your near future.

Having seen a porn movie one time, I'm pretty sure MrPillowTalk is correct.
How you've described is how it began.

[NuckChorris]

Post in the the tournie section here that made my eyes bleed with it's spelling! I'm no grammar Nazi, but....

http://www.irishpokerboards.com/foru...12&postcount=3

[Zod]

Post in the the tournie section here that made my eyes bleed with it's spelling! I'm no grammar Nazi, but....

http://www.irishpokerboards.com/foru...12&postcount=3

I'm willing to donate a shift key.

[Hectorjelly]

Post in the the tournie section here that made my eyes bleed with it's spelling! I'm no grammar Nazi, but....

http://www.irishpokerboards.com/foru...12&postcount=3

I've seen a lot worse, I can follow all of it

[Zod]

I predict a lot of blow jobs in your near future.

I don't think he'll be expected to perform fellatio on his students in order to bump up their grades?

[Hectorjelly]

skyscanner allow you to leave out all filters and just search by price.

That's really handy, cheers!

[Zod]

I mean, he may be a college professor who wears tight jumpers but I don't think he's that way inclined?

[Zod]

but who knows anymore in this crazy world.

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[Zod]

oh hey, I've gone over 5000 posts.

*cranks up the Justin Bieber image search*

[Wombatman]

If you know of someone committing Welfare Fraud should you tip off the Department of Social Protection?

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[FeetMagic]

Zod you're quite the active poster!

[Zod]

Zod you're quite the active poster!

just ran away with myself there for a moment, don't worry, I'll get my posting under control throught a diet of self will, bible reading and betablockers.

[bohsman]

If you know of someone committing Welfare Fraud should you tip off the Department of Social Protection?

No, I wouldn't be ringing the clampers to tell them there's a car parked with an expired ticket or anything like that either though.

[Wombatman]

Just fill in this form:

https://www.welfare.ie/EN/Secure/Pag...pectFraud.aspx

More of a why question than a how question?

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[Lord Sir Banter]

just ran away with myself there for a moment, don't worry, I'll get my posting under control throught a diet of self will, bible reading and betablockers.

Just start a new account. Doz.

[Zod]

Just start a new account. Doz.

*registers Lottery.ie*

[Kayroo]

[Teddie]

If you know of someone committing Welfare Fraud should you tip off the Department of Social Protection?

If he's not a mate then yes.

[Zod]

right, I'm off home. I'll see whoever makes it in for a game in the SE tonight, until then, here's my 5k offering to you all.

knock knock

SPOILER

Knock Knock
Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock...
... Hurry up Whitney, I need a shit.

[Icarus152]

skyscanner allow you to leave out all filters and just search by price.

Their phone App is one of the rare ones that's better than the website.

[KevIRL]

#MUFC XI: De Gea, Jones, Ferdinand, Evans, Fabio; Nani, Carrick, Cleverley, Young; Rooney, Hernandez

#MUFC bench: Amos, Smalling, Park, Scholes, Valencia, Welbeck, Pogba


Ajax XI v MUFC (4-3-3): Vermeer; Anita, Alderweireld, Vertonghen; Koppers; Aissati, Eriksen, Sd Jong; Sulejmani, Bulykin, Özbiliz


Utd/City double enhanced on PP @ 9/2.

Gonna have a bit of Hernandez fg at 5/1 and Eriksen anytime @ 4/1

[Lord Sir Banter]

It's Thursday isn't it?
What are Man United doing playing a thursday?

[V for Vendetta]

Their phone App is one of the rare ones that's better than the website.

Thank you very much!

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[bohsman]

You are saving the social welfare budget 10k a year - if there are enough false claims reported and money saved then there will be less pressure for social welfare rates to be cut - cuts which would affect people genuinely in need.

Think its a fairly clear-cut fairness thing too.

Make social welfare collectors wear yellow stars on their sleeves so that it will be easier to figure out who is scamming. Or we could not rat out our neighbours and let the department do their job properly in the first place.

17,000 reported last year, one third were legit, some amount of jealousy and people just reporting people they dont like in a hope that they'll be done by the looks of it.

[Kayroo]

Make social welfare collectors wear yellow stars on their sleeves so that it will be easier to figure out who is scamming.

Awwwww, you guys see what he did? You see that? Wow, that's so clever. Wow.

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[bohsman]

1/3 of 17000 cases is still €57m saved per year (assuming €200 per week fraudulent claim by 50 weeks). Surely that's an amazing saving? The people who reported the frauds have increased the chances that social welfare won't have to be cut.

Then there's the other 12000 or so people who are being put through undue stress while they are checked, also the costs of employing people to follow up on reports.

I just think that communities should work together for the greater good instead of looking for any little reason to report each other. Divided we fall and the politicians can go back to taking backhanders and selling the country off.

[bohsman]

Awwwww, you guys see what he did? You see that? Wow, that's so clever. Wow.

Meh, this place tends to be very conservative so usually easier to godwin political discussion nice and early.

[tylerdurden94]

BBV assistance needed, been meaning to get my eyes tested and haven't done so in years also working on computers the last few years I'm sure has had some effect on them.

Looking mostly for recommendations where to go ie Specsavers/VisionExpress stuff like that.

Cheers

[Lao Lao]

so aside from potentially me and potentially The Duke who else is coming along to the Sporting tonight to be potentailly sexually harassed by bangkok chickboys?

I'm tempted to show my face (not be sexually harrassed by a bangkok chickboy, been there bought the t-shirt ) but don't think I could sit through a donament, what time does the cash games get going of a Thursday?

[Bubbleking]

I have to get from 79kg (weighed in last night) to 69.99kg by the 27th of March.

Dreadful bet on my part realistically.

what height are you? I think you've taken the best of it tbh provided you have the proper dedication (which is a bigger ask then more people realise)

to put in perspective Iv lost 21 pounds in 5 weeks. You have 6 weeks to lose 20 and you can dehydrate yourself to the limit as well as "clean the system" on the day of the weigh in. I havnt even been that stringent with the diet yet so Id imagine 5lbs a week is achievable if you were to do things perfectly

[Strewelpeter]

Make social welfare collectors wear yellow stars on their sleeves so that it will be easier to figure out who is scamming. Or we could not rat out our neighbours and let the department do their job properly in the first place..

Oh dear!

17,000 reported last year, one third were legit, some amount of jealousy and people just reporting people they dont like in a hope that they'll be done by the looks of it.

~120 Million to spend on those who actually need it would hardly be noticed.

Stick it to the man, yea

[Zod]

I'm tempted to show my face (not be sexually harrassed by a bangkok chickboy, been there bought the t-shirt ) but don't think I could sit through a donament, what time does the cash games get going of a Thursday?

as soon as the duke gets knocked out.

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[bohsman]

Oh dear!

~120 Million to spend on those who actually need it would hardly be noticed.

Stick it to the man, yea

Yea it's definitely going to be spent on those that need it instead.

[Bubbleking]

Consider the 9 digits 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. I want you to make three 3 digit numbers using each of the 9 digits exactly once. For example, the three 3 digits numbers could be 672, 593, and 148. I want you to determine the three 3 digit numbers where the product of the three numbers is as small as possible.

any ideas? and a reason why thats the case?

so far I have

SPOILER

189 = 72
257 = 70
346 = 72

total = 214

[Semibluff]

what height are you? I think you've taken the best of it tbh provided you have the proper dedication (which is a bigger ask then more people realise)

to put in perspective Iv lost 21 pounds in 5 weeks. You have 6 weeks to lose 20 and you can dehydrate yourself to the limit as well as "clean the system" on the day of the weigh in. I havnt even been that stringent with the diet yet so Id imagine 5lbs a week is achievable if you were to do things perfectly

Bet isnt is it possible, it is all considered, can he do it. Having the proper dedication is the main factor.

As for cleaning out the system, Strewel under no circumstance should you allow him to leave work to get a colonic the day of the weigh in!

I doubt he'll be close enough that he needs this tbh!

[NewApproach]

I have to get from 79kg (weighed in last night) to 69.99kg by the 27th of March.

Dreadful bet on my part realistically.

How you going about it? Ketogenic? Best of luck

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[SatNav]

BBV assistance needed, been meaning to get my eyes tested and haven't done so in years also working on computers the last few years I'm sure has had some effect on them.

Looking mostly for recommendations where to go ie Specsavers/VisionExpress stuff like that.

Cheers

SPOILER

[tylerdurden94]

Accidentally wandered into Optica By Donal MacNally (1 Royal Hibernia Way, off Grafton Street, tel 01-6774705) when looking for driving licence eye test. Was very impressive and no waiting time unlike Specsavers.

Nothing to compare it with as was first eye test since being a kid, but they seemed to know what they were doing. Told me why I shouldn't get glasses despite being a bit weak in some parts of the vision. Suggests that there's a good level of professionalism. Think it cost €30.

btw optician was saying that reading a lot / computers etc don't really affect eyesight all that much as the eyes adjust to the demands you place on them.

Cheers, tried my friends glasses on one day and the writing was so much clearer on what I was reading.

[tylerdurden94]

SatNav I really don't like you going into my Facebook page and taking pics out of it, you have done it before and I wasn't best please about it then either.

Although that is quite funny, if you wanna know what I look like with glasses, I'm not sure you will be able to contain yourself

SPOILER

[Strewelpeter]

Bet isnt is it possible, it is all considered, can he do it. Having the proper dedication is the main factor.

As for cleaning out the system, Strewel under no circumstance should you allow him to leave work to get a colonic the day of the weigh in!

I doubt he'll be close enough that he needs this tbh!

If I have the concept of him and colonic irrigation come to mind any more I'll be off sick myself. Yuck

[SatNav]

SatNav I really don't like you going into my Facebook page and taking pics out of it, you have done it before and I wasn't best please about it then either.

Although that is quite funny, if you wanna know what I look like with glasses, I'm not sure you will be able to contain yourself

SPOILER

sorry danny couldnt resist

Hmm something quite cute about you in the specs , although you look around 16 in that pic lol

[SatNav]

LOL

[davepoke/her]

BBV was boring today.

[tylerdurden94]

sorry danny couldnt resist

Hmm something quite cute about you in the specs , although you look around 16 in that pic lol

SatNav the sexual deviant

24 actually, when I shave my beard it takes years off me.

[SatNav]

SatNav the sexual deviant

24 actually, when I shave my beard it takes years off me.

Well its nicer , told you that before!!!

[Lazare]

I honestly thought Negreanu was gonna come out in that vid.

Was disappointed when I realised it was a full Tilt ranting yawnfest.

[ ] epic

[tylerdurden94]

Obviously ran out of go on the Waterford massive!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi_Ot7swuBY

[Bubbleking]

I hope WIT is one of those uni's that gets the chop when colleges are amalgamated. Something needs to be done to stop stupid fuckers getting into "college"