Looking through old files and papers and stumbled upon the deeds that I own to a nice acre plot on the the sunny northwest of the moon in Area E-5/Quadrant Foxtrot (Approximate Latitude 25° N, Longitude 30° W).
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X can be anything, any number, that is what’s CRAZY about X.
Because X doesn’t roll like that, because X can’t be pinned down!
$ Free Travel Credit with Airbnb $ -
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A turd is swimming down the river when it spots 2 bananas,sunbathing on the riverbank.
The turd calls out to them "Hey lads! are ye coming in for a swim? the water's lovely"
One Banana turns to the other and says
SPOILEROfficial Head Marshall of Waterford Gay Pride Festival 2015Comment
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he winds Helmuth up perfectly in this episodeOriginally posted by GimmeabreakComment
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No bad joke collection would be complete without the obligatory Mother-in-law gag.
What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
SPOILEROfficial Head Marshall of Waterford Gay Pride Festival 2015Comment
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X can be anything, any number, that is what’s CRAZY about X.
Because X doesn’t roll like that, because X can’t be pinned down!
$ Free Travel Credit with Airbnb $Comment
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Written my first book for all you Golf addicts out there
Highlights include;
Chapter 1 - How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 - How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist
from the Tee
Chapter 3 - How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker (also
seeChapter 8)
Chapter 4 - How to Get More Distance off the Shank
Chapter 5 - When to Give the Ranger the Finger
Chapter 6 - Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings
Chapter 7 - When to Implement Handicap Management
Chapter 8 - Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 10 - How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the
Water
Chapter 13 - How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
Chapter 14 - When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
Chapter 16 - When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever
Also includes the latest GOLF terms
A Sally Gunnell - not pretty but a good runner
A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole
A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer
A Diegio Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand - Lipped out
A Rock Hudson - thought it was straight, but it wasn't
A Cuban - needs one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Kate Winslett - a bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Kate Moss - bit thin
A Gerry Adams - playing a Provisional
A Glen Miller - kept low and didn't make it over the water
An Arthur Scargill - a great strike but a poor result
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O. J. Simpson - got away with it
A Paula Radcliffe - not as ugly as a Sally Gunnell but still a good
runner
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn't have taken a driver
A Robin Cook - just died on the hill
A Douglas Bader - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs
An Arsene Wenger - everyone saw where it went but you
A Ken Livingstone - quite far left
A Jean-Marie LePen - a long way right
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
An elephant's arse - high and sh*tty
A condom - safe but didn't feel real good
A circus tent - a BIG top
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones - nasty kick when you're not expecting it
A Ryanair - flies well but lands a long way from the target
A sister-in-law - up there but I know that I shouldn't beComment
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Go big or go homeless.Comment
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moobs is actually classified as a word now... Can't top that!Originally posted by Ciaran_Corbett View PostGo big or go homeless.Comment
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did ya hear the joke about the rope?
ah we'll just skip it
Comment
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Did you know that a female gypsy moth can smell a male gypsy moth from over a mile away. It also applies if you take out the word moth.Comment
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what key can open any lock?
a pikeyComment
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BBV I need to get a 1TB HD. They under £50 yet?Hunter S Thompson 1937-2005 - "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"Comment
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..."We're not f*cking Burundi" - Big PhilComment
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Sport on the tellybox over the weekend. I even remembered the Irish soccer AJ!
Fri 26th March
Now - Rugby S14 Cheetahs v Reds SS2
19:05 - Rugby ML Cardiff v Ulster Setanta
19:35 - Soccer APL Galway v Shamrock Rovers RTE 2
20:00 - Rugby ML Munster v Glasgow Setanta Ireland
Sat 27th March
06:35 - Rugby S14 Hurricanes v Sharks SS2
08:40 - Rugby S14 Warratahs v Blues SS2
11:10 - Rugby S14 Western Force v Blues SS2
12:45 - Soccer EC Crystal Palace v Cardiff SS1
15:00 - Soccer EPL Chelsea v Aston Villa Setanta Ireland
16:30 - Rugby ML Leinster v Connacht Setanta
17:30 - Soccer EPL Bolton v Man United ESPN
17:30 - Rugby ZP Northampton v Wasps
19:00 - Soccer La Liga Mallorca v Barcelona SS4
19:30 - GAA NFL Tyrone v Derry Setanta Ireland
19:30 - GAA NFL Dublin v Galway Setanta
21:00 - Soccer La Liga Zaragoza v Valencia
Sun 28th March
12:00 - Soccer EPL Burnley v Blackburn SS1
14:30 - Hurling NHL Kilkenny v Galway TG4
16:00 - Soccer EPL Liverpool v Sunderland SS1
19:00 - Soccer La Liga Villareal v Sevilla SS1
20:00 - Soccer La Liga Real Madrid v Athletico Madrid SS1Comment
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Heading to the Bolton game, never being in the away end in the Reebok. It any use?Hunter S Thompson 1937-2005 - "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"Comment
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Got a good weekend ahead of me. Out to dinner in Sheffield tonight. (Hopefully) off to DTD in Nottingham tomorrow. Then going to Liverpool v Sunderland on Sunday. Good times!"I can’t find anyone who agrees with what I write or think these days, so I guess I must be getting closer to the truth." - Hunter S. ThompsonComment
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No posts in an hour on the WW thread, what's up?I hold silver in tit for tat, and I love you for thatComment
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Should i feel bad or glad about not knowing anything about these there werewolves?Comment
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..."We're not f*cking Burundi" - Big PhilComment
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Going home. Sweet.Turning millions into thousandsComment
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still as good as ever
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQYDvQ1HH-E&feature=PlayList&p=7F6DD72028D2BA08&index=49[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wG6Cgmgn5U&feature=PlayList&p=7F6DD72028D 2BA08&index=51[/ame]Comment
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..."We're not f*cking Burundi" - Big PhilComment
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..."We're not f*cking Burundi" - Big PhilComment
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Not enough love for The Zep ITT,IMO.
I'm off out to get pissed.
Wolves,kill the shit outta someone tonight please.
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKtfjsonPFE&feature=related[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fl6s1x9j4QQ&feature=related[/ame]Official Head Marshall of Waterford Gay Pride Festival 2015Comment
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..."We're not f*cking Burundi" - Big PhilComment
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Its FridayOriginally posted by Lazare View Post''Oh my god, I'm dropping shit like a pigeon
I hope you're listening, smacking babies at their christening''Comment
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Feel good tune for the day
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rqv8mydPE04[/ame]''Oh my god, I'm dropping shit like a pigeon
I hope you're listening, smacking babies at their christening''Comment
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NIght sorted ........The Sting ...followed by Sarface ITV4
Comment
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im dreading taking a slurp of a pint tonight and thinking about thisOriginally posted by Hitchhiker's Guide to... View PostComment
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pg
there's nothing worse after rough sex with a knacker than , looking down and seeing a burst condom hanging off your knob ! Especially after you weren't wearing oneI would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.. Tom Waits
I have been told if i see some trouble to call 911, I think it's quicker to call 3 Fifty 7 .....RL BurnsideComment
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Originally posted by Hitchhiker's Guide to... View Post
Have you ever done a well Hitchhiker?
If not, would you do one?Comment
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Check out the love on jack whites faceOriginally posted by Icarus152 View Post
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGdVC3g8Ig0"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGdVC3g8Ig0[/ame]Comment
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Got a ticket for Band of Horses in the academy on June 4th today. Should be good.
Their most famous and one of their many fine songs.
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibE7IqEjni4"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibE7IqEjni4[/ame]Comment
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I'm sitting at 2 tables with boku87, so decided to see how many tables he's playing. Crazy bastard is 47 tabling
Comment
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I remember Jimmy Carr had abort lines for chat up lines gone wrong. So basically, you start a chat up line and she looks disgusted, so you have to unleash the abort line to save pride.
"Your father must have been a thief............. 'Cause you look like a pikey."Comment
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Or.... "go on pleeeese, I really really want to bang a fat chick"Originally posted by RoadSweeper View PostI hold silver in tit for tat, and I love you for thatComment
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A knacker is up in court charged with beating his wife and decides to annoy everyone by having the trial conducted in Irish.
So the trial begins, and the knacker is on the stand and his lawyer says to him 'Cad is ainim duit?'. 'Micheal O'Murchu is ainim dom', he replies. 'Agus do bhean?' says the lawyer. 'Hiace' sez the knackerComment
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get it in ahead, drawing dead after the flop...
Nice
Full Tilt No-Limit Hold'em, 3.3 Tournament, 80/160 Blinds (9 handed) - Full-Tilt Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
Button (t5614)
SB (t3965)
BB (t3470)
UTG (t11557)
UTG+1 (t7378)
MP1 (t4715)
MP2 (t7337)
Hero (MP3) (t12840)
CO (t5159)
Hero's M: 53.50
Preflop: Hero is MP3 with A
, K
4 folds, Hero bets t400, 1 fold, Button raises to t5614 (All-In), 2 folds, Hero calls t5214
Flop: (t11468) 10
, 7, K (2 players, 1 all-in)
Turn: (t11468) Q
(2 players, 1 all-in)
River: (t11468) Q (2 players, 1 all-in)
Total pot: t11468
Results:
Button had A, Q (flush, Ace high).
Hero had A, K (two pair, Kings and Queens).
Outcome: Button won t11468Comment
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A 9 month pregnant Dublin skanger is waddling down O'Connell st in her pyjamas when all of a sudden her waters break, so she hobbles over to the nearest payphone to call her Ma....
"Ma, Maaa, me waters are after breaakinn"
Her Ma says..
"Where are ye ringin from?"...
"From me knickers down to me ankillls"I hold silver in tit for tat, and I love you for thatComment
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A knacker is a bit lost travelling through Cellbridge and slows down his van to shout at a pedestrian "Am i anywhere near Clane boss?"
"No, you're a filty knacker" replies the pedestrianComment
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My girlfriend told me I suffer from a lack of imagination.
I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination".
That showed her.Comment
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How do you know when a knacker has an orgasm?
She drops her bag or chipsLast edited by RoadSweeper; 26-03-10, 23:07.Comment
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A woodworm walks into a bar and asks "Is the bar tender here"?Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product. ~Eleanor RooseveltComment
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this might not go down to well here but i think bringing John joe back on the late late show is poor form by RTE.Comment
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hes clearly a bit retarded and i think they are cheaply exploiting him to apeal to the lowest common denomonator. I dont like the way the audience keep laughing at him either it just doesnt sit well with meOriginally posted by CHD View PostComment
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shades of
People say I should be more humble I hope they understand, they don't listen when you mumble
Get a shiny metal Revolut card! And a free tenner!
https://revolut.com/referral/jamesb8!G10D21Comment
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Dave has been married to his wife for more than 20 years and gets nothing but abuse from her, do this ya bol*** do that ye bas****. So one day he decides to give her a smack of a hammer. He starts to panic and decides to cut her body up into pieces and put all the pieces into seperate bin bags as they were being collected the following day. Dave breaths a sigh of relief as the bins are being taken away without a ounce of suspicion, until the doorbell rings and theres a lad in a high vis jacket on. Dave with sweat pouring down his face asks "what seems to be the problem mate?", and the binman says "buy better bags the arse fell out of this one".Comment
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Was in tears of laughter from the late late there - just too funnyComment
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well worth going to see live - he lets anyone at his show volounteer to be hypnotised.Originally posted by Ace View PostComment
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Hunter S Thompson 1937-2005 - "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"Comment
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Did you hear about the squirrel that came home late?
He was locked out of his tree
Foldaramus et foldarabimusComment
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Why did the mushroom have a party?
Because he was a funghi!Comment
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