Originally posted by Zod
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You owe me 6 minutes. I decided to keep the other 3 for something that might be useful and make me laugh at some point. -
I dont know what to say.Originally posted by 5starpool View PostIs that how you crash a wedding? yes it is, Bionic Barry, yes it is.Comment
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group of about 16-20 of us are heading to edinburgh for a friends bday this weekend, what are the must sees besides the castle? stuff for the girls to do while we drink?
any recommendations on where to eat?, obv will have to go out for a proper meal and more importantly where are the best places to head out, pub and clubwise?
Jayzus, Sheila! I forgot me feckin' trousersComment
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Stewart Lee is a genius imoHunter S Thompson 1937-2005 - "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"Comment
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is 12 keith richards?Comment
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Fantasy Palace is a must see. Bring a wallet full of £10s and £20s.Originally posted by healwayscallsmedonkey View Postgroup of about 16-20 of us are heading to edinburgh for a friends bday this weekend, what are the must sees besides the castle? stuff for the girls to do while we drink? any recommendations on where to eat?, obv will have to go out for a proper meal and more importantly where are the best places to head out, pub and clubwise?Comment
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What are his best stand-ups to watch?Originally posted by RasTa View Post
I'm not too into sketch show type things which I know he has one of - I prefer George Carlin style pontification, any recommendations?Comment
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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0YE9Kthyaco&feature=related[/ame]
41st best stand-up comedian.Is that how you crash a wedding? yes it is, Bionic Barry, yes it is.Comment
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I'm trying to put a video from my phone onto facebook but it needs flipping, does anyone know an easy free application that could do that?
Also
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHC13MYcrR4[/ame]"In the world, there are many kings but there is only one God. I am God, I am El Tren" :{)Comment
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Just played 3 headwrecking hu games against an abusive prick who was the master of chatbox abuse, suckouts and slow rolling. Then I get the chance to slowroll him. I won't be slowrolling anyone again for a while lol
No-Limit Hold'em Tournament, 15/30 Blinds (2 handed) - Hold'em Manager Converter Tool from FlopTurnRiver.com
BB (t1605)
Hero (SB) (t1395)
Hero's M: 31.00
Preflop: Hero is SB with 5
, A
Hero bets t52, BB calls t37
Flop: (t134) 6
, 10, Q (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets t88, BB calls t88
Turn: (t310) 8 (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets t144, BB raises t1450 (All-In), Hero calls t1096 (All-In)
River: (t2790) J (2 players, 2 all-in)
Total pot: t2790
Results:
Hero had 5, A (flush, Ace high).
BB had J
, 9 (straight flush, Queen high).
Outcome: BB won t2790Comment
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Buy a MacbookOriginally posted by DAMO72 View Post
You said it not meOriginally posted by michelle SatNav View Postya dont fuckin mind me, im a fuckin ape!
Cool beansOriginally posted by DAMO72 View PostThat seems to have done the trick , going much faster now
I would like to say a special thanks to Danny & Dom for your sound advice .
"you raise, i kill you" El Tren :{)Comment
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Stewart Lee obviously but Dave Chappelle's stand up is also brilliant.Originally posted by Keane View PostComment
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When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her faceComment
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All he does is say that something isn't funny, and then he repeats himself. Repeatedly. He's not funny. He's not funny Zod. He said it wasn't funny, and then he said it again. That's still not funny. He said some people find it funny, but they're wrong. But he doesn't realise that they don't realise it's him who's not funny. He's not funny. Repeating it over and over and over won't make it funny. Because it's not funny.Originally posted by Zod View Post"I can’t find anyone who agrees with what I write or think these days, so I guess I must be getting closer to the truth." - Hunter S. ThompsonComment
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Sorry no, I meant which particular stand up shows that Lee has done - or does he even have many full length shows released on DVD or whatever?Originally posted by Charlie Sheen View Post
I got the recent one where he tears Top Gear a new one and loved it.Comment
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Ninety gaffes in ninety years
From Papua New Guinea to Stoke-on-Trent, Prince Philip has left his mark around the world. As his 90th birthday looms, Hannah Ewan recalls the soundbites that could only have come from one man
1. "Ghastly." Prince Philip's opinion of Beijing, during a 1986 tour of China.
2. "Ghastly." Prince Philip's opinion of Stoke-on-Trent, as offered to the city's Labour MP Joan Walley at Buckingham Palace in 1997.
3. "Deaf? If you're near there, no wonder you are deaf." Said to a group of deaf children standing near a Caribbean steel drum band in 2000.
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4. "If you stay here much longer, you will go home with slitty eyes." To 21-year-old British student Simon Kerby during a visit to China in 1986.
5. "You managed not to get eaten then?" To a British student who had trekked in Papua New Guinea, during an official visit in 1998.
6. "You can't have been here that long – you haven't got a pot belly." To a British tourist during a tour of Budapest in Hungary. 1993.
7. "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?" Asked of a Scottish driving instructor in 1995.
8. "Damn fool question!" To BBC journalist Caroline Wyatt at a banquet at the Elysée Palace after she asked Queen Elizabeth if she was enjoying her stay in Paris in 2006.
9. "It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." The Prince's verdict of a fuse box during a tour of a Scottish factory in August 1999. He later clarified his comment: "I meant to say cowboys. "I just got my cowboys and Indians mixed up."
10. "People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle." To survivors of the Lockerbie bombings in 1993.
11. "We don't come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves." During a trip to Canada in 1976.
12. "A few years ago, everybody was saying we must have more leisure, everyone's working too much. Now that everybody's got more leisure time they are complaining they are unemployed. People don't seem to make up their minds what they want." A man of the people shares insight into the recession that gripped Britain in 1981.
13. "British women can't cook." Winning the hearts of the Scottish Women's Institute in 1961.
14. "It was part of the fortunes of war. We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun, asking 'Are you all right - are you sure you don't have a ghastly problem?' You just got on with it!" On the issue of stress counselling for servicemen in a TV documentary marking the 50th Anniversary of V-J Day in 1995.
15. "What do you gargle with – pebbles?" To Tom Jones, after the Royal Variety Performance, 1969. He added the following day: "It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs."
16. "It's a vast waste of space." Philip entertained guests in 2000 at the reception of a new £18m British Embassy in Berlin, which the Queen had just opened.
17. "There's a lot of your family in tonight." After glancing at business chief Atul Patel's name badge during a 2009 Buckingham Palace reception for 400 influential British Indians to meet the Royal couple.
18. "If it has four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it." Said to a World Wildlife Fund meeting in 1986.
19. "You ARE a woman, aren't you?" To a woman in Kenya in 1984, after accepting a gift.
20. "Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?" To a wheelchair-bound Susan Edwards, and her guide dog Natalie in 2002.
21. "Get me a beer. I don't care what kind it is, just get me a beer!" On being offered the finest Italian wines by PM Giuliano Amato at a dinner in Rome in 2000.
22. "I would like to go to Russia very much – although the bastards murdered half my family." In 1967, asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union.
23. "If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat,which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?" In a Radio 4 interview shortly after the Dunblane shootings in 1996. He said to the interviewer off-air afterwards: "That will really set the cat among the pigeons, won't it?"
24. "Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle." To neighbour Elton John after hearing he had sold his Watford FC-themed Aston Martin in 2001.
25. "The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion." At the opening of City Hall in 2002.
26. "A pissometer?" The Prince sees the renames the piezometer water gauge demonstrated by Australian farmer Steve Filelti in 2000.
27. "Don't feed your rabbits pawpaw fruit – it acts as a contraceptive. Then again, it might not work on rabbits." Giving advice to a Caribbean rabbit breeder in Anguilla in 1994.
28. "You must be out of your minds." To Solomon Islanders, on being told that their population growth was 5 per cent a year, in 1982.
29. "Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant." At the 50th anniversary of the Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme.
30. "Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species." Accepting a conservation award in Thailand in 1991.
31. "Aren't most of you descended from pirates?" In the Cayman Islands, 1994.
32. "You bloody silly fool!" To an elderly car park attendant who made the mistake of not recognising him at Cambridge University in 1997.
33. "Oh! You are the people ruining the rivers and the environment." To three young employees of a Scottish fish farm at Holyrood Palace in 1999.
34. "If you travel as much as we do you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort – provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly." To the Aircraft Research Association in 2002.
35. "The French don't know how to cook breakfast." After a breakfast of bacon, eggs, smoked salmon, kedgeree, croissants and pain au chocolat – from Gallic chef Regis Crépy – in 2002.
36. "And what exotic part of the world do you come from?" Asked in 1999 of Tory politician Lord Taylor of Warwick, whose parents are Jamaican. He replied: "Birmingham."
37. "Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease." On a visit to Australia in 1992, when asked if he wanted to stroke a koala bear.
38. "It doesn't look like much work goes on at this University." Overheard at Bristol University's engineering facility. It had been closed so that he and the Queen could officially open it in 2005.
39. "I wish he'd turn the microphone off!" The Prince expresses his opinion of Elton John's performance at the 73rd Royal Variety Show, 2001.
40. "Do you still throw spears at each other?" Prince Philip shocks Aboriginal leader William Brin at the Aboriginal Cultural Park in Queensland, 2002.
41. "Where's the Southern Comfort?" On being presented with a hamper of southern goods by the American ambassador in London in 1999.
42. "Were you here in the bad old days? ... That's why you can't read and write then!" To parents during a visit to Fir Vale Comprehensive School in Sheffield, which had suffered poor academic reputation.
43. "Ah you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then? Ha, ha! Well done." Meeting 14-year old George Barlow, whose invited to the Queen to visit Romford, Essex, in 2003.
44. "So who's on drugs here?... HE looks as if he's on drugs." To a 14-year-old member of a Bangladeshi youth club in 2002.
45. "You could do with losing a little bit of weight." To hopeful astronaut, 13-year-old Andrew Adams.
46. "You have mosquitoes. I have the Press." To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean in 1966.
47. "The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined." While hosts made effort to greet a state visit to Brazil, 1968.
48. "During the Blitz a lot of shops had their windows blown in and sometimes they put up notices saying, 'More open than usual.' I now declare this place more open than usual." Unveiling a plaque at the University of Hertfordshire's new Hatfield campus in November 2003.
49. Philip: "Who are you?"
Simon Kelner: "I'm the editor-in-chief of The Independent, Sir."
Philip: "What are you doing here?"
Kelner: "You invited me."
Philip: "Well, you didn't have to come!"
An exchange at a press reception to mark the Golden Jubilee in 2002.
50. "No, I would probably end up spitting it out over everybody." Prince Philip declines the offer of some fish from Rick Stein's seafood deli in 2000.
51. "Any bloody fool can lay a wreath at the thingamy." Discussing his role in an interview with Jeremy Paxman.
52. "Holidays are curious things, aren't they? You send children to school to get them out of your hair. Then they come back and make life difficult for parents. That is why holidays are set so they are just about the limit of your endurance." At the opening of a school in 2000.
53. "People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans." In 2000.
54. "Can you tell the difference between them?" On being told by President Obama that he'd had breakfast with the leaders of the UK, China and Russia.
55. "I don't know how they are going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield." After meeting students from Brunei coming to Britain to study in 1998.
56. "Do people trip over you?" Meeting a wheelchair-bound nursing-home resident in 2002.
57. "That's a nice tie... Do you have any knickers in that material?" Discussing the tartan designed for the Papal visit with then-Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie last year.
58. "I have never been noticeably reticent about talking on subjects about which I know nothing." Addressing a group of industrialists in 1961.
59. "It's not a very big one, but at least it's dead and it took an awful lot of killing!" Speaking about a crocodile he shot in Gambia in 1957.
60. "Well, you didn't design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard." To a young fashion designer at a Buckingham Palace in 2009.
61. "So you're responsible for the kind of crap Channel Four produces!" Speaking to then chairman of the channel, Michael Bishop, in 1962.
62. "Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years." Address to the General Dental Council, quoted in Time in 1960.
63. "Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance." Advice for a successful marriage in 1997.
64. "I never see any home cooking – all I get is fancy stuff." Commiserating about the standard of Buckingham Palace cuisine in 1962.
65. "I suppose I would get in a lot of trouble if I were to melt them down." On being shown Nottingham Forest FC's trophy collection in 1999.
66. "It makes you all look like Dracula's daughters!" To pupils at Queen Anne's School in Reading, who wear blood-red uniforms, in 1998.
67. "I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing." Dismissing claims that those who sell slaughtered meat have greater moral authority than those who participate in blood sports, in 1988.
68. "Ah, so this is feminist corner then." Joining a group of female Labour MPs, who were wearing name badges reading "Ms", at a Buckingham Palace drinks party in 2000.
69. "Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don't you have a slogan: 'Kill a cat and save a bird?'" On being told of a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla in 1965.
70. "All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury." Bemoaning the rate of British tax in 1963.
71. "It is my invariable custom to say something flattering to begin with so that I shall be excused if by any chance I put my foot in it later on." Full marks for honesty, from a speech in 1956.
72. "Why don't you go and live in a hostel to save cash?" Asked of a penniless student.
73. "In education, if in nothing else, the Scotsman knows what is best for him. Indeed, only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education." Said when he was made Chancellor of Edinburgh University in November 1953.
74. "If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested." Of his daughter, Princess Anne.
75. "They're not mating are they?" Spotting two robots bumping in to one another at the Science Museum in 2000.
76. "I must be in the only person in Britain glad to see the back of that plane." Philip did not approve of the noise Concorde made while flying over the Buckingham Palace.
77. "The only active sport, which I follow, is polo – and most of the work's done by the pony!" 1965
78. "It looks like a tart's bedroom." On seeing plans for the Duke and then Duchess of York's house at Sunninghill Park.
79. "Reichskanzler." Prince Philip used Hitler's title to address German chancellor Helmut Kohl during a speech in Hanover in 1997.
80. "We go into the red next year... I shall probably have to give up polo." Comment on US television in 1969 about the Royal Family's finances.
81. "Bugger the table plan, give me my dinner!" Showing his impatience to be fed at a dinner party in 2004.
82. "I thought it was against the law these days for a woman to solicit." Said to a woman solicitor.
83. "You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you." Said to Sir Rennie Maudslay, Keeper of the Privy Purse, in the 1970s.
84. "What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer." Response to a comment at a small-business lunch about how difficult it is in Britain to get rich.
85. "This could only happen in a technical college." On getting stuck in a lift between two floors at the Heriot Watt University, 1958.
86. "I'd much rather have stayed in the Navy, frankly." When asked what he felt about his life in 1992.
87. "It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons" On being shown "primitive" Ethiopian art in 1965.
88. "You're not wearing mink knickers, are you?" Philip charms fashion writer Serena French at a World Wildlife Fund gathering in 1993.
89. "My son...er...owns them." On being asked on a Canadian tour whether he knew the Scilly Isles.
90. "Well, that's more than you know about anything else then." Speaking, a touch condescendingly, to Michael Buerk, after being told by the BBC newsreader that he did know about the Duke of Edinburgh's Gold Awards in 2004
Hero.Comment
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Some dude has managed to upload a good chunk of The Wire to YouTube, just thought I would give a heads up for those of you bored in work (Raoul Duke III) or whatever to watch some of them, been up awhile surprised it hasn't been pulled.
Browsed a few videos couldn't check them all as my broadband is down so tethering from my phone but there is Season 2/3/4/5
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_Z7MIibVp0[/ame]Last edited by tylerdurden94; 01-06-11, 22:40."you raise, i kill you" El Tren :{)Comment
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The irony of the jokes' delivery is that it mirrors the bland repetition of the same scene being voted the funniest scene ever on television in each and every poll on the topic.Originally posted by AndyFatBastard View PostComment
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Stuart Lee is killing comedy as we know it. Good on him.
BTW the Michael Redmond with the Get out of my garden joke is Fr ??? The really boring priest who gets hit by lightning in Fr Ted. Makes the original joke class when you picture him doing it IMO.Last edited by Strewelpeter; 01-06-11, 22:46.Turning millions into thousandsComment
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Oh right.Originally posted by Keane View Post
90's Comedian - Can't find on the internet.
41st Best Stand Up Ever - You Tube.
If You Prefer A Milder Comedian Ask For One - I've found this one online, it's easy enough to find.Comment
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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOoTeXTRQJA&feature=topvideos_sports[/ame]Comment
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"Comedy as we know it" killed itself, Lee is just pushing the cart down the road screaming "Bring out your dead" ad nauseumOriginally posted by Strewelpeter View Post
"Emigrants" & "Prawns"
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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnrHaMa4xnE[/ame]
*does not contain said garden jokeLast edited by Guest; 01-06-11, 23:03.Comment
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first Strewelpeter levelled us with Punch Drunk Love, now it's Stewart "I'm barely even a social commentator let alone a comedian and I'm going to talk really slowly then shout repeatedly until people laugh" Lee?Comment
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Fr. Stone
He went out of character for that role
On another note can whoever is HornswaggleU on stars pm me please..just want to confirm it's not the Hornswaggle from the World Cup sweepstake last year. 90% sure it#s not but just want to confirm.cheersPining for Wa'erfordComment
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Richard Pryor is the best stand up show I've seen. I recently watched Eddie Griffins new show and its qualityOriginally posted by Charlie Sheen View Post
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT6mkY-HyqQ[/ame]Comment
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Missed this post, that show is superb. On the whole only fools and horses thing he did there, I dont find that funny at all. On the other Del Boy falling thru that bar will always live with me.Originally posted by Charlie Sheen View Post
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In 8 seconds, Del Boy falling through the bar (which I'd never seen before) was funnier than all of Stewart Lee's moaning and groaning.
Seriously, are you guys taking the piss? Dreadfully unfunny stuffComment
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ha, this scene was just on tv3, reminded me of the discussions in the Movie draft!
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8S9WyYaO7mQ[/ame]Comment
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Is that the only time the family admit to being able to understand Stewie?Originally posted by Zuroph View Post
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skyscanner.ie is the nutz
"Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?"Comment
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It was a whole pile of meh imo.
Possibly unfairly judging it though as I probably couldn't really critique a thing right now, horrendously distracted by everything and anything at the moment.
Might give it a round 2 in a few weeks when the dust settles.Comment
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Anyone who doesn't like Stewart Lee isn't much of a fan of stand up imo. He's the Messi of stand up.Originally posted by Emmet View PostComment
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More of a Nani imo, spends that much time rolling on the floor and giving out about sweet fuck all.Originally posted by hotspur View PostComment
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My sense of humour is better than your sense of humourPining for Wa'erfordComment
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One can have a better appreciation of an art form than another person.Originally posted by sligboi View PostComment
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Art is one of the most subjective things in the world making it hard to apply objective measures to, especially on an internet forum at 1amOriginally posted by hotspur View PostPining for Wa'erfordComment
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Its 1am now.Comment
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I know nothing about the art form of, say, modern dance, therefore my opinions about any modern dance I see are going to be limited to "I liked it / didn't like it". Whereas someone who is very well versed in the art form could speak to the same performance and say it was derivative, unimaginative, and poorly executed.Originally posted by sligboi View Post
I'm watching Arrested Development atm and despite the fact that I'm enjoying it I think it's hugely overpraised due to its many structural deficiencies. With Stewart Lee it is entirely possible to watch him and not at all understand what he is doing because he is the quintessential postmodern comedian who is self-referentially parodying modern stand up.Comment
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The strikeforce/ufc crossover seems to be beginning..Comment
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..."We're not f*cking Burundi" - Big PhilComment
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It's that sort of genre. Richard Herring does it, he does a lot of work with Stewart Lee I believe.Originally posted by hotspur View Post
It's a podcast btwPining for Wa'erfordComment
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I was actually going to ask you what you thought about this show before but forgot toOriginally posted by hotspur View Post
Never could get into it myself (fwiw), thought some of the set pieces were funny but overall it never did it for meComment
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just saw last game o thrones#7
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"I can’t find anyone who agrees with what I write or think these days, so I guess I must be getting closer to the truth." - Hunter S. ThompsonComment
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22 out of 25Originally posted by MrsFlushdraw View Post
Soup colours, no of matches and venetian blinds one
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Originally posted by AndyFatBastard View PostSPOILERThis may or may not be an original thought of my own.
All efforts were made to make this thought original but with the abundance of thoughts in the world the originality of this thought cannot be guaranteed.
The author is not liable for any issue arising from the platitudinous nature of this post.Comment
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Pining for Wa'erfordComment
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Nah, they've done it a few times, they even had somebody on the show as "so can they hear the baby or what"Originally posted by Elshambo View PostIs that the only time the family admit to being able to understand Stewie?
Basically they only hear him when they want to, if its funnier for them to ignore him (like when he talks of killing lois) they just like he is talking like a baby
but if he makes a valid point (like in the godfather clip) they listen to him
A little surprised it happened so soon, but it's purely down to the fact that GSP has literally nobody to fightOriginally posted by Zuroph View PostComment
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Originally posted by Theresa View PostSPOILER"I can’t find anyone who agrees with what I write or think these days, so I guess I must be getting closer to the truth." - Hunter S. ThompsonComment
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[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVq7w2j-6iw[/ame]"I can’t find anyone who agrees with what I write or think these days, so I guess I must be getting closer to the truth." - Hunter S. ThompsonComment
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You are probably the greatest thing to ever come out of Sligo boy.Originally posted by sligboi View PostComment
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So Haye and Klitschko are fighting next month - Betfair still have a "who will haye fight next market" currently 1.08
Is this free money given how close fights are? Or is the risk not worth it given how volitile title fights are when both guys hold a belt.
I still think its value, and if I knew if would be void if one gets injuried I'd go for it. But don't want to see a situation were an injury means it won't get settled for monthsComment
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Del boy falling through the bar.Is that how you crash a wedding? yes it is, Bionic Barry, yes it is.Comment
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