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NEWTON'S OPTIC: Our walking tour visits the homes of some of those responsible for the economic collapse
THANK YOU for joining this political walking tour of Ireland’s “Brass Circle”, where we will visit the homes of those responsible for the State’s economic collapse. Please keep to the centre and mind your step as the path we are taking is rarely used.
No 16 Pleasant View
This is the home of Andrew and Orla Cullinane. They purchased it in 2006 with a 110 per cent mortgage for 12 times their combined salary, following a particularly creative self-assessment.
They knew it was the absolute upper limit of what they or almost anyone else could afford, even if they ate spam and cat-food for their rest of their lives.
But they still assumed that house prices would keep rising indefinitely, while never asking how they could realise this capital growth without moving into a tent. They also assumed that their jobs were completely safe and their wages would increase forever. After all, they are both teachers.
No 39 Absentee Avenue
This house, which is currently vacant, was bought by Mr Patrick Lord as a buy-to-let investment using an extremely popular loan product designed for that purpose. While not expecting to profit significantly from the rent, Mr Lord did expect to make a huge profit from the property’s eventual re-sale. At no point did it occur to him that reward is the return for risk. He has 23 years remaining for this fact to dawn.
No 85 Haughey Mansions
This is the home of Séamus and Bridget Doolally, who always vote Fianna Fáil no matter what.
No 44 Lower-Middle Close
This is the home of Barry and Linda Rooney and their five-year-old son Wayne. Through the mock-Georgian front windows you can see a 60-inch flat-screen television manufactured by the Happy Liquid Crystal Company of Guangzhou, China. The Chinese government had little option but to spend the resulting $5,000 trade surplus on US treasury bonds, thereby lending the money back to the West at nominal interest.
China, like Japan before it, has now accumulated so many of these bonds that any move to redeem them would render them worthless. In effect, Asia has been tricked into taking cheques it can never cash by a post-imperialist global financial system serving unproductive western consumers. On the other hand, Barry and Linda do get to watch Celebrity X-Factor in super-sharp high definition.
No 17 Pinewood Park
This is the home of Anthony and Aisling O’Farrell. At the rear of the property, beside the conservatory, you will see an area of decking so expansive that their neighbours secretly call it “The Queen Mary”.
They paid for it with an equity release loan against the increased value of their house, telling themselves it was “an investment” which would further increase its value. Then they could borrow some more.
No 26.5 APR Long Street
This is the home of Brendan and Kathleen Martin. The his-and-hers 4x4s you can see on the cobbled drive were purchased through a consumer finance deal, as was all the furniture in the house plus the new fitted kitchen.
However, the food in the kitchen was purchased by credit card. The Martins are now facing repossession, something they could never have foreseen.
No 1 Circular Road
This is the home of John Donnelly, who works in a bank. Everybody shout “boo!”
THANK YOU for joining this political walking tour of Ireland’s “Brass Circle”, where we will visit the homes of those responsible for the State’s economic collapse. Please keep to the centre and mind your step as the path we are taking is rarely used.
No 16 Pleasant View
This is the home of Andrew and Orla Cullinane. They purchased it in 2006 with a 110 per cent mortgage for 12 times their combined salary, following a particularly creative self-assessment.
They knew it was the absolute upper limit of what they or almost anyone else could afford, even if they ate spam and cat-food for their rest of their lives.
But they still assumed that house prices would keep rising indefinitely, while never asking how they could realise this capital growth without moving into a tent. They also assumed that their jobs were completely safe and their wages would increase forever. After all, they are both teachers.
No 39 Absentee Avenue
This house, which is currently vacant, was bought by Mr Patrick Lord as a buy-to-let investment using an extremely popular loan product designed for that purpose. While not expecting to profit significantly from the rent, Mr Lord did expect to make a huge profit from the property’s eventual re-sale. At no point did it occur to him that reward is the return for risk. He has 23 years remaining for this fact to dawn.
No 85 Haughey Mansions
This is the home of Séamus and Bridget Doolally, who always vote Fianna Fáil no matter what.
No 44 Lower-Middle Close
This is the home of Barry and Linda Rooney and their five-year-old son Wayne. Through the mock-Georgian front windows you can see a 60-inch flat-screen television manufactured by the Happy Liquid Crystal Company of Guangzhou, China. The Chinese government had little option but to spend the resulting $5,000 trade surplus on US treasury bonds, thereby lending the money back to the West at nominal interest.
China, like Japan before it, has now accumulated so many of these bonds that any move to redeem them would render them worthless. In effect, Asia has been tricked into taking cheques it can never cash by a post-imperialist global financial system serving unproductive western consumers. On the other hand, Barry and Linda do get to watch Celebrity X-Factor in super-sharp high definition.
No 17 Pinewood Park
This is the home of Anthony and Aisling O’Farrell. At the rear of the property, beside the conservatory, you will see an area of decking so expansive that their neighbours secretly call it “The Queen Mary”.
They paid for it with an equity release loan against the increased value of their house, telling themselves it was “an investment” which would further increase its value. Then they could borrow some more.
No 26.5 APR Long Street
This is the home of Brendan and Kathleen Martin. The his-and-hers 4x4s you can see on the cobbled drive were purchased through a consumer finance deal, as was all the furniture in the house plus the new fitted kitchen.
However, the food in the kitchen was purchased by credit card. The Martins are now facing repossession, something they could never have foreseen.
No 1 Circular Road
This is the home of John Donnelly, who works in a bank. Everybody shout “boo!”
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