Bad beat/Moaning/Venting thread - BabyforV

[Lazare]

My guitar teacher is a proper rocker, mad Black Sabbath fan, he's always trying to get us into them, they never did anything for me until last week he did this tune with us, it's fucking awesome imo. Tony Iommi is a riff machine.

Apparently Ozzie was beaten up by a bunch of skinheads one time and penned this ditty in their honour, slightly homophobic, but hey, it was the 70's...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8kYrIWu14E

[Guest]

Got a permanent contract in the last few weeks. Well, Contract of Indefinite Duration. Physics needs to create a postgrad stream, its dysfunctional if it doesn't do that as all our contracts are based on postgraduate progammes

Any marketable physics postgrads have already been taken by engineering unfortunately. On the other hand I think I discovered something genuinely interesting this week, so am probably going to get a Nobel prize.

[Lord Sir Banter]

A salesman has his motorized roller skates refueled at a gas station (1961)

http://news.distractify.com/people/old-school-cool/?v=1

How did this not take off? Also, does anyone use a briefcase still, anyone here?
Bring back briefcases.

[eamonhonda]

My maths teacher used carry a briefcase, we opened it once and inside was the Irish Times, an Apple and a Rubix cube

[MrsFlushdraw]

was quite proud of myself , put in the washing machine myself! put a wash on but now its making a banging noise

Did you remove the restraining bolts for the drum?

[MrsFlushdraw]

Is there anyone here that can help with a question on self assessment? to do with capital when starting the business?

If so can you PM me?

Thanks

[eamonhonda]

Is there anyone here that can help with a question on self assessment? to do with capital when starting the business?

If so can you PM me?

Thanks

Profit before people.

[SatNav]

You seem to be in full on Brewster mode again, fair play Nav, fuck the Iagos, VforVs and Ionapauls of this world, it's people like you that will steer us out of this mess.

Feck off lol myself and himself went 50 /50. that always works well. got a bargain lol
old machine was 12 yrs old and knackered.

The other side of this is , neither of us go out drinking , eating etc.the RDs and Co spend it on food and posh whiskey. I am currently drinking 3.99 vino from aldi

[SatNav]

Did you remove the restraining bolts for the drum?

yeah

[Lazare]

Feck off lol myself and himself went 50 /50. that always works well. got a bargain lol
old machine was 12 yrs old and knackered.

The other side of this is , neither of us go out drinking , eating etc.the RDs and Co spend it on food and posh whiskey. I am currently drinking 3.99 vino from aldi

I'm actually serious, well, excepting the FU to the boys. I'm exactly like you, I see money as something that needs to be gotten rid of. Immediately. Credit card limits are targets.

You and I are money badge men, the Iagos etc have their name above the money door, but we're the grease babe, the whole machine would grind to a crunch without us.

[SatNav]

I'm actually serious, well, excepting the FU to the boys. I'm exactly like you, I see money as something that needs to be gotten rid of. Immediately. Credit card limits are targets.

You and I are money badge men, the Iagos etc have their name above the money door, but we're the grease babe, the whole machine would grind to a crunch without us.

lol , luckily we paid off all credit cards last year, so we have no debt

So we can just spend spend spend

The father has the whole house here decorated too lol free of charge, well a dinner at 6pm and thats it.

Fuck it cant bring it with ya Laz

[Lord Sir Banter]

Feck off lol myself and himself went 50 /50. that always works well. got a bargain lol
old machine was 12 yrs old and knackered.

The other side of this is , neither of us go out drinking , eating etc.the RDs and Co spend it on food and posh whiskey. I am currently drinking 3.99 vino from aldi

Is the old machine somewhat functional?


Any chance of making one of these:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8ljH5uuHfA

[Tar.Aldarion]

My maths teacher used carry a briefcase, we opened it once and inside was the Irish Times, an Apple and a Rubix cube

Austie O 'Callagahan?

[Lazare]

My maths teacher used carry a briefcase, we opened it once and inside was the Irish Times, an Apple and a Rubix cube

William Foster?

[SatNav]

Is the old machine somewhat functional?


Any chance of making one of these:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8ljH5uuHfA

what does it say about me as a person that I feel sorry for the washing machine. feel like crying watching that. poor thing must have been in so much pain lol

[shano_88]

best phone on the market for ~200. Saw someone mention the Moto G 4g but cant seem to find where i can buy it.

[Tar.Aldarion]

here?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Moto-16GB-Sim-Free-Smartphone/dp/B00ECBREB6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1405108478&sr=8-2&keywords=moto+g

oh 4g not sure if thats the same one

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Moto-8GB-Sim-Free-Smartphone/dp/B00KB0YDBG/ref=sr_1_1?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1405108535&sr=1-1&keywords=moto+g+4g

[shano_88]

here?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Moto-16GB-Sim-Free-Smartphone/dp/B00ECBREB6/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1405108478&sr=8-2&keywords=moto+g

oh 4g not sure if thats the same one



http://www.amazon.co.uk/Moto-8GB-Sim...ords=moto+g+4g

Cheers.

Just found it on Tesco website. £10 cheaper!

[Hitchhiker's Guide To...]

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[MrsFlushdraw]

If you're not too disappointed in me, I can send this to my contacts in Enterprise Ireland who'll turn it into something wizardry

I don't have any restraining bolts to send you why would I be disappointed in you?

[Hitchhiker's Guide To...]

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[Hitchhiker's Guide To...]

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[Raekwon]

My maths teacher used carry a briefcase, we opened it once and inside was the Irish Times, an Apple and a Rubix cube

Aloysius Tully?

[Lord Sir Banter]

what does it say about me as a person that I feel sorry for the washing machine. feel like crying watching that. poor thing must have been in so much pain lol

Yea it was pretty brutal tbh, I feel similarly, I didn't like it.
The video I had in mind when I searched was a lot less brutual, someone tossing a brick in and a washing machine went a bit hectic and flipped over on it's side, maybe a 12 second video. That one was more like a horror movie.

http://ask.metafilter.com/171232/Why-do-i-think-Things-have-feelings

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthropomorphism

I do the same thing, at times, to some extent, I've looked the above links up previously. Let's hug it out.

[Lazare]

I don't have any restraining bolts to send you why would I be disappointed in you?

Did he not rape an ugly sleeping lesbian prostitute and then urinate inside her?

Oh wait, that's a montage.

[Lazare]

We need more guesses as to the identity of Honda's maths teacher.

We're bound to get it.

[Hitchhiker's Guide To...]

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[CHDad]

There was no rape! Everything else though, plus lesbians. Hmm sounds a bit sordid with hindsight

Tell us a joke comedy lover.

[MrsFlushdraw]

Ah now, you made some very valid points about how I'm living my life! Kinda think have turned them around though (well mentally anyway, even despite the last post). I believe in your dream. Maybe email me your business plan and I'll make sure it'll be looked over by the right people?

Ah don't be worrying. I am glad you are trying to turn things round. I know you are a good guy really.

Sent an email to you explaining my problem.

Cheers

[SatNav]

There was no rape! Everything else though, plus lesbians. Hmm sounds a bit sordid with hindsight

what part of the world are ya in now? you're some yoke lol

[Lazare]

There was no rape! Everything else though, plus lesbians. Hmm sounds a bit sordid with hindsight

Lesbians added to montage.

[Lord Sir Banter]

We need more guesses as to the identity of Honda's maths teacher.

We're bound to get it.

My guess is Eamon himself. It could be his real job?
Few sums.

More guesses as to Eamon's real job.

[Hitchhiker's Guide To...]

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[CHDad]

Okay there's too many things going on here. Am going to the International Comedy Club

Tell me a fucking joke.

[Lord Sir Banter]

Tell me a fucking joke.

your face

[Jam-Fly]

Tell me a fucking joke.

I started watching the Sopranos for the first time recently and they've got some great jokes in the show.


A rich man and a poor man are talking about gifts they got for their respective wives. The poor man says 'so what did you get your wife for her birthday?'. The rich man replies 'I got her a Mercedes Benz and a diamond ring, what did you get your wife?'. The poor man says 'I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo. Why did you get her a car and a ring?'. 'Well' says the rich man, 'if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then she can drive the Mercedes Benz to the jewelers and exchange it. Why did you get your wife slippers and a dildo?'. The poor man replies 'Well, if she doesn't like the slippers, then she can go fuck herself!'

[dobby]

Is it ironic or standard that the local teenagers go drinking and smoking weed behind the court house?? Just spotted them now on my way home. We always used to go down the bottom of the car park or in a quiet laneway.

[Lazare]

Tell me a fucking joke.

Paddy and Joe left Ireland with every penny they had and headed to Australia to try earn a crust.

They only had enough money to last a couple of weeks. At first they couldn't for the life of them find any work, they knocked on doors, begged and pleaded, but they couldn't find anything.

Just as they were down to their last $50, luck shone on them and they landed a job on a site, things were starting to look up.

Unfortunately it was short lived. After two weeks of employment they were back begging for work.

Things started to get really really bad. They hadn't a pot to piss in, stone broke with no money to get home. They were depressed. They longed to go home to their families.

They went to the beach one day with all their belongings and sat on the sand looking out at the Indian Ocean.

Paddy says 'Joe, how long do you think it would take us to swim all the way to Ireland?'

With that, a massive 100ft hand comes up out of the water, straight up out of the water. It moves slowly over to the right, back again to the middle and then slowly over to the left. It moves back again to the middle then sinks back under the ocean.

Joe turns to Paddy and says...

SPOILER

Fuck me that was some wave

[tipp86]

Cheers.

Just found it on Tesco website. £10 cheaper!

This may be of interest even if you have purchased.

http://www.hotukdeals.com/deals/heads-up-sim-free-motorola-moto-g-134-10-ps4-314-10-isis-50-inch-tv-296-10-op-for-1951327

[dobby]

Tell me a fucking joke.

How do you get a Cork man on the roof of a pub?

Tell him drinks are on the house.

How do you confuse a Cork man?

Put him in a round room and tell him find the corner.

How do you stop a Cork man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

[Lazare]

How do you stop a Cork man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

What if he was a cork man?

As in a man made of cork.

Like a gingerbread man.

[SatNav]

What if he was a cork man?

As in a man made of cork.

Like a gingerbread man.

any chance you would come down here and pass on whatever you are smoking

[Lazare]

any chance you would come down here and pass on whatever you are smoking

I'll blow it into a balloon and send it down in a taxi.

Too messy to leave the house.

Halvsies on the Joey?

[SatNav]

I'll blow it into a balloon and send it down in a taxi.

Too messy to leave the house.

Halvsies on the Joey?

bored off my tree here and only got one bottle of wine, its nearly gone and its like i drank fuck all. have only grey goose left and only mi wadi to mix yuk!

come on down

[Jam-Fly]

bored off my tree here and only got one bottle of wine, its nearly gone and its like i drank fuck all. have only grey goose left and only mi wadi to mix yuk!

come on down

when you drink vodka with mi wadi, do you mix the mi wadi straight with the vodka, or dilute the mi wadi in water first and then add to the vodka?

[CHDad]

TY

[Lazare]

TY

You're welcome, L.

[SatNav]

when you drink vodka with mi wadi, do you mix the mi wadi straight with the vodka, or dilute the mi wadi in water first and then add to the vodka?

I would add water. but back in the naughty nineties I would drink vodka and lime with no water added!

[dobby]

bored off my tree here and only got one bottle of wine, its nearly gone and its like i drank fuck all. have only grey goose left and only mi wadi to mix yuk!

come on down

Why would you ruin grey goose by mixing it with anything never mind mi wadi. May as well have tesco vodka. Drink the grey goose with just ice. Much nicer with no mixer imo

[CHDad]

Vodka is piss tbf.

[dobby]

Vodka is piss tbf.

Tell us a joke.

[Lazare]

TY

How's work coming along on the badge man emoticon?

Can I invest?

[SatNav]

Why would you ruin grey goose by mixing it with anything never mind mi wadi. May as well have tesco vodka. Drink the grey goose with just ice. Much nicer with no mixer imo

ugh cant bear the taste like that, iv a sweet tooth

[SatNav]

How come I got a message from parcel motel that my parcel is ready for collection in finglas at nightline wtf!!!! it should come to portlaoise

[Mickey Rosa]

How come I got a message from parcel motel that my parcel is ready for collection in finglas at nightline wtf!!!! it should come to portlaoise

Probably oversized for the lockers in that case.

[SatNav]

Probably oversized for the lockers in that case.

HArdly that big???

I had 10.50 in my acc and they sent me a text saying to top up that it was costing 14 and now if i want it delivered its another tenner?? fuck sake the items are not that big


kettle would fit in standard locker no bother, i dont get it, fuming here!

[Mickey Rosa]

Amazon must have packaged them huge.

[SatNav]

Amazon must have packaged them huge.

Anyone here live in finglas? those fucking items are after costing me a fortune now lol Not a hope am I driving to finglas tomorrow

[dobby]

Anyone here live in finglas? those fucking items are after costing me a fortune now lol Not a hope am I driving to finglas tomorrow

Sure chalk it up to fuel expenses?

[SatNav]

Sure chalk it up to fuel expenses?

I dont be up that part of the country, may pay the extra tenner ffs. dearest cunt of a kettle ever! FU Ruby Red!