Shaking myself out of Lifetilt

[BobSloane]

I'm on lifetilt. Hard to explain how or why but I'm in a bad/pissed off/angry with the world mood for the last couple of months. This is not typically my style at all tbh. Decided to start some sort of log. Will probably consist of one or two posts and peter away to nothing but anyway. I don't even have any decent goals to put in the log that I'm trying to achieve but just a couple of vague things.

1. Poker. I used to be really into poker and I loved it. Probably past 6 months or so I'm just not feeling it and have played fuck all. Going to try and get into some sort of routine(more vaugueness) and in May play 10k hands of 6max 2-4 tabling and one live game somewhere. Roll is fairly decimated at about $4k. So I'll be playing 50nl or 100nl I suppose. Must get back into posting hands and commenting on hands etc

2. Reading. I used to be really into reading and I loved it. Haven't read a book this year - and maybe just 3 or 4 in the whole of last year. So I hope to read 2 books in May - whatever they may be.

3. Exercise. I was never into exercise and I always hated it. But I ran a 10k a few weeks ago and found the whole experience rewarding. So I hope to train a bit during May and run another 10k at the end of the month and break my recently set personal record of 54mins

So at the end of may I hope to have played 10k hands of 6max+play once live, read 2 books and ran a 10k in faster than 54mins. The bar is low Don't know if any of this will help with my hating on the world issues but hopefully it could make some improvement

[hotspur]

Best of luck with number 3. The first two are very unlikely to do much for your life tilt imo.

I don't even have any decent goals to put in the log that I'm trying to achieve but just a couple of vague things.

Maybe a better use of your energy than potting it would be to come up with some decent goals.

I have some notion in my head of you living on an abandoned farm on your own apart from a dog. Most parts of the that sentence could be structured into decent goals. Such as getting a cat

[Caf]

Best of luck with number 3. The first two are very unlikely to do much for your life tilt imo.



Maybe a better use of your energy than potting it would be to come up with some decent goals.

I have some notion in my head of you living on an abandoned farm on your own apart from a dog. Most parts of the that sentence could be structured into decent goals. Such as getting a cat

Or a bitch...

[BobSloane]

Best of luck with number 3. The first two are very unlikely to do much for your life tilt imo.

Maybe a better use of your energy than potting it would be to come up with some decent goals.

I have some notion in my head of you living on an abandoned farm on your own apart from a dog. Most parts of the that sentence could be structured into decent goals. Such as getting a cat

I lied a bit (to myself) in my first post. I know where a decent amount if life tilt is coming from. Last couple of months I've been dealing on a weekly basis with solicitor/accountant/dept of agriculture. Everything seems so slow and it's head wrecking. The dept of agriculture is a joke. They have an separate office for dealing with everything and they are spread out all over the country. I have to apply for one thing to Laois - another to Cavan - another to Tipperary etc. Then one comes back because another hasn't been processed. For example, an application for a herd number came back because I hadn't got some deed stamped by the solicitor. But I had got it stamped. So I ring her up and ask wtf the problem is. She apologizes and says she must have not seen the stamp. So I send it back. Three weeks later I get the herd number. In the meantime a single farm payment form gets returned because I haven't got a herdnumber(or haven't applied for one they say). I explain that I have applied and it was returned etc. Incidents like this are standard it seems. Farming you would think should be pretty simple but they make it complicated - and everything is referred to as some sort of scheme. Suckler cow scheme, single farm payment scheme, animal welfare scheme etc. I fucking hate the word scheme - I always think of it in its devious/underhand form rather than the project form they intend.

I also have the revenue looming large on me. Accountant has to put in a tax return by end of September - the tool thought it was the end of October but I was informed that the finance bill made some change last year with regard to tax returns which was changed back to October for everything except CAT after some sort of intervention from Michael Lowry. I should in theory have to pay the revenue zero or at least very little but I wont really know until it goes through. If I end up owing a big bill to the revenue I'm entering a world of pain to paraphrase walter from lebowski. By big I mean any five figure sum would be pretty crushing.

So yeah I've lost a lot of control and have feel a bit trapped in a situation I didn't envisage. A year ago I had no immediate financial worries and now I have - although my net worth has increased and people keep telling how lucky I am but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I suppose everyone has their problems and mine are actually small - indeed they're the kind that a lot of people would love to have. I suppose the reading / poker / running thing is just to do a few things I'll enjoy and might benefit from in some way. As you say they probably won't cure my life tilt.

You're image of me on the abandoned farm with the dog isn't a million miles from reality - but its not the into the wild type existence I've probably conveyed in some posts on the bvb. My parents live close by. I have a couple of friends in the area. People I was good pals with in Galway call to visit a bit. My sister and nephews call a few times a year. I make it to Galway/Dublin etc every now and then. Plus I'm a bit of a weirdo/loner type anyway at the best of times

@caf , bit of a catch22- I'm a dope smoking, poker playing,bob dylan obsessed west of ireland farmer who lives alone with a dog and has his elderly parents living close by. Any women who wants a piece of that would need her head examined. And why would I want anything to do with with a crazy woman?

Anyway its the first of May. Time to kick this plan into action. Cannery Row lined up. Off to the beach for a run tomorrow morning. Poker playing a few evenings during the week hopefully. Couple of games to play in the HU league too when it gets unlocked.

tl;dr Poker,reading and running probably won't cure my life tilt. They might just take my mind off it as the things that are tilting me are outside my control

[Angry-Ball]

I lied a bit (to myself) in my first post. I know where a decent amount if life tilt is coming from. Last couple of months I've been dealing on a weekly basis with solicitor/accountant/dept of agriculture. Everything seems so slow and it's head wrecking. The dept of agriculture is a joke. They have an separate office for dealing with everything and they are spread out all over the country. I have to apply for one thing to Laois - another to Cavan - another to Tipperary etc. Then one comes back because another hasn't been processed. For example, an application for a herd number came back because I hadn't got some deed stamped by the solicitor. But I had got it stamped. So I ring her up and ask wtf the problem is. She apologizes and says she must have not seen the stamp. So I send it back. Three weeks later I get the herd number. In the meantime a single farm payment form gets returned because I haven't got a herdnumber(or haven't applied for one they say). I explain that I have applied and it was returned etc. Incidents like this are standard it seems. Farming you would think should be pretty simple but they make it complicated - and everything is referred to as some sort of scheme. Suckler cow scheme, single farm payment scheme, animal welfare scheme etc. I fucking hate the word scheme - I always think of it in its devious/underhand form rather than the project form they intend.

I also have the revenue looming large on me. Accountant has to put in a tax return by end of September - the tool thought it was the end of October but I was informed that the finance bill made some change last year with regard to tax returns which was changed back to October for everything except CAT after some sort of intervention from Michael Lowry. I should in theory have to pay the revenue zero or at least very little but I wont really know until it goes through. If I end up owing a big bill to the revenue I'm entering a world of pain to paraphrase walter from lebowski. By big I mean any five figure sum would be pretty crushing.

So yeah I've lost a lot of control and have feel a bit trapped in a situation I didn't envisage. A year ago I had no immediate financial worries and now I have - although my net worth has increased and people keep telling how lucky I am but sometimes it doesn't feel that way. I suppose everyone has their problems and mine are actually small - indeed they're the kind that a lot of people would love to have. I suppose the reading / poker / running thing is just to do a few things I'll enjoy and might benefit from in some way. As you say they probably won't cure my life tilt.

You're image of me on the abandoned farm with the dog isn't a million miles from reality - but its not the into the wild type existence I've probably conveyed in some posts on the bvb. My parents live close by. I have a couple of friends in the area. People I was good pals with in Galway call to visit a bit. My sister and nephews call a few times a year. I make it to Galway/Dublin etc every now and then. Plus I'm a bit of a weirdo/loner type anyway at the best of times

@caf , bit of a catch22- I'm a dope smoking, poker playing,bob dylan obsessed west of ireland farmer who lives alone with a dog and has his elderly parents living close by. Any women who wants a piece of that would need her head examined. And why would I want anything to do with with a crazy woman?

Anyway its the first of May. Time to kick this plan into action. Cannery Row lined up. Off to the beach for a run tomorrow morning. Poker playing a few evenings during the week hopefully. Couple of games to play in the HU league too when it gets unlocked.

tl;dr Poker,reading and running probably won't cure my life tilt. They might just take my mind off it as the things that are tilting me are outside my control

welcome to the world of "self-employed"
edit:
forgot to say that once you have this shit sorted things should run a bit smoother, being a self employed has its benifits but it also has its negatives, but imho after 12 years of being self employed i think i would find it hard to go back working for the man. it hasn't been plain sailing i had periods where i had plenty of money and periods where i had none or even less. but it is a challenge that you won't get in a paye job and is quite enjoyable. you will go through phases of hating it and phases of loving it. i was lucky in that i have a great wife with a good business head about her and is really good when it come to dealing with banks, solicitors and all them cunts i hate/am useless dealing with. so having a missus has its benefits, but she must be interested in what you are doing and that way you have at least someone else to share your problems with and give a different point of view. all to often you can get stuck in your own cocoon and it seems as the world is collapsing around you and "you cannot see the wood for the trees" a good misus here is essential to offer different angles on things. iam not saying to run out and marry the first wench you see, but having a partner or some other close and trusted friend around is a good idea "a problem shared is a problem halved".
don't let small worries snowball in your head, if you find that your head is ready to explode and you can't think straight because of some big decisions have to be made just go talk to your parents or someone close to you you will be really surprised at how good you will feel once you have spoken about it.
hope this makes sense to you.
and best of luck

[BobSloane]

Went running on the beach Monday, Thursday and today(Sunday) early in the morning. Did 6k Monday and Thursday and 10k today - which is the furthest I've ran on the beach. Took me nearly an hour but the sand was fairly soft so I feel pretty good about it. Hopefully go out again Tuesday morning. The guy I go running with sometimes wants to do another 10k on the 21st so hopefully that will be possible.

Managed to play 2.1k hands of 50NL 4 tabling - took 7 1/2 hours. Ran like the sun for the first 1000 and was up 9BIs. Peaked at up 11 but went back to running average/poor for the last few hundred hands and finished up $407 overall. People do weird stuff @ 50NL. Had to turn off chat as it was head wrecking. One of the things I found very surprising was the amount of bluff raising on the river - bluff min-raising at that. Pre-flop most people seem to 3bet way to much or way too little and after 100 hands you know who's who. Also surprised at the amount of limping. I thought that was nearly gone from the games even at 5c/10c.

Read about half of Cannery row. Don't know how I haven't finished it tbh. Its very short and so far very enjoyable. Have only been reading it in the car, not while driving obv. Ordered a few more books online. The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter s. Thompson, Keep the Aspidistra Flying by George Orwell, Post Office by Charles Bukowski and two more Steinbecks, Sweet Thursday and Tortilla Flat. Hopefully they'll arrive during the week and I should have Cannery Row finished by then. The 4 non-Steinbecks all raided from the old bookclub thread.

[BobSloane]

Went running Tuesday and Thursday morning at 6 o clock. Did 6k both days. Went again Sunday afternoon and did ~12k in 75mins. Tide was nearly all the way in so soft sand all the way + a fairly strong breeze to contend with.The furthest I think I've ever ran in my life. Legs are pretty sore now. Looks like I won't be doing the 10k on the 21st though unless something changes in the meantime. Will hopefully find another before the end of the month.

Up to 5k hands of 50NL now. Didn't run or play so great this time around. Up to +$458 so up one buy-in since last week. Was on the wrong side of a few coolers and bad beats but also donked off a few and autopiloted a bit which I wasn't really doing last week. Got a big break in the HU league and have gone from being out of it to being a contender with one game to play. Hopefully I won't disgrace myself there. If I'm fortunate enough to get first or second I've decided to get a polytunnel with the loot. Was in Galway during the week and played my first live game in maybe two years - a 50 euro freezeout. Had been up at 6 running that morning and felt really tired. Played pretty badly. Had trouble following the action and played too tight and predictably. Only played a few pots of consequence and played them all fairly poorly. Eventually(after less than an hour) got 30bbs in pre with AK v AA but that makes my exit sound more heroic than it was in reality. Was thinking afterwards I couldn't have given much of a description of any of the players at my tables styles as I simply took no notice. Not even sure if it was 8,9 or 10 handed. Felt really awkward with chips and the whole game in general although it was good to play and I caught up with an old buddy afterwards.

Finished Cannery Row. Absolute gem of a book and a perfect choice to get back into reading. Have read 7 or 8 Steinbecks over the years and its possibly my favourite of the lot. Only 2 of my online orders have arrived so its either The Road and Post Office up next.

Surprised at how busy I actually am with farm and general mundane life stuff - I hadn't really noticed before - its quite hard to find time to do these few simple things.

[Multidraw]

i find a lot of players tend to full some void in their life by grinding poker and basically killing time. If you are spending a decent amount of time playing poker and its not giving you a good hourly then spending the time doing something else would be better. maybe limit yourself to 5 hours of poker a week and your restlessness will make you get out and find activities that will bring the fun back into life. Also, there is many a strange female who likes the country living and that could be a good pasttime.

[BobSloane]

Running - Did 6k Tuesday morning and 5k Wednesday morning. Went to Ballyvaughan on Saturday with my sometimes running buddy and ran the mini marathon - which is 6 miles - a quarter mile less than a 10k. It was absolutely pissing rain, brutal day. Ran it in 48mins anyway so definitely an improvement on the 54min 10k last month. Hlaf thinking of doing another one next weekend although my running buddy is away in Croatia so I'll probably end up not bothering.

Poker - Up to 7.4k hands now. Didn't get to play all week and forced myself to play on Friday evening. Wasn't really in the mood and played fairly badly. Was only down one and a half buyins but then the last hand I played I tried to run one of the most ridiculous bluffs of all time against a donk for 120bbs. Anyway laughed it off but played a bit Saturday and Sunday and ran like shit. Couldnt win any flips and kept running QQ into KK or KK into AA pre. Six-tabled for a while too just to clock up some hands which wasn't part of my original plan. Neither my brain or laptop screen can handle more than four. Up $232 now for the month which is a bit sad considering the start I made.
On the plus side, got a good result in the HU league, winning my last match and coming second overall.

Reading - have just started Post Office. Only read the first chapter yet - seems pretty awesome so far

[hotspur]

Let me know how Sweet Thursday is after you read it. I love Cannery Row and always meant to read the follow up. I have been listening to the audio book of The Grapes of Wrath each night in bed for 30 minutes for a couple of weeks. Steinbeck is the nuts.

[Raoul Duke III]

Bob, if you're looking for a non-fiction Steinbeck for a change, [ame="http://www.amazon.com/Travels-Charley-Search-America-Centennial/dp/0142000701/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1306164314&sr=8-1"]Travels with Charley[/ame] might be a nice change of pace

edit; now that I think of it, it's perfect for you. His sole travelling companion is his dog.

[Strewelpeter]

The Log from the Sea of Cortez > Travels with Charley IMO
Its the perfect follow up to Cannery Row / Sweet Thursday its about a field trip with the real life Marine Biologist that inspired the Doc character.
Sweet Thursday and Cannery row are almost the same book. I devoured the three one after another, I don't think I ever got such pleasure from reading as I did from them.
I went mad on Steinbeck after that I remember reading East of Eden in a non stop 24 hour sitting spending most of the time in the pub on Lincoln place behind trinity

[BobSloane]

Cool I'll put them both on the list for my next shipment. Steinbeck is indeed the nuts.

[BobSloane]

So at the end of may I hope to have played 10k hands of 6max+play once live, read 2 books and ran a 10k in faster than 54mins. The bar is low

Ah well, low or not the bar was reached.

Poker - made it to 10k hands and finished up $401. Took me 33 hours. Probably about fair overall. Ran about a half buyin below ev altogether although I wouldn't take much notice of that. Sort of unlucky as I was up over $650 after 9.3k hands and in the last two sessions I played I tilted badly -for the first time really all month- in the first for 2-3 giveaway buyins and then ran horrifically in the second. But anyway...

Running - Well, I'm counting the mini marathon as a 10k even though its a quarter mile short. They texted me on my official time of 47:41 so feck it I reckon 49 mins is the time to beat next time out. Went out on the beach Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday and again this evening(Tuesday again) for 8k, 6k, 12k, 8k respectively. So I've done the 3 runs a week for the month and feeling better for it.

Reading - finished Post Office pretty quickly. Another very enjoyable book. Very easy to read and a bit like Cannery Row I was left wishing it was a bit longer. Writing styles of the two are chalk and cheese though! Got a start made on Sweet Thursday yesterday.

In other news after doing some rough calculations I think I'm going to be life busto in 10-15 months at the rate I'm going. If the revenue come looking for their pound of flesh there could be another Abbeylara. So I'll have to get a job I suppose. Which sucks. Or play 80k hands of 50NL per month. Which sucks even more. My running buddy is welding in a place about a half hours drive away. He tells me they're possibly hiring a few people shortly. When I asked him what the job would be like he asked me if I'd seen 8 mile. I have I said. Well its like Eminems job minus the conjugal visit from Brittany Murphy he said. Sadly the Brittany visit is all I can remember about his job in 8 mile. Well I gave him my hastily put together cv anyway. On the plus side if I did get the job the last few miles of my journey would be ridiculously scenic. Most importantly,my mother isn't an alcoholic and none of my former class mates are fucking her.

[BobSloane]

Well as I anticipated the log petered out into nothingness. Prob my last post on this -just posting for the sake of closure

Ended up getting the 8mile job and have been there for a month. It sucks obv but its probably good for me to be interacting with humans again. Job is tedious enough that I could write 10k words on the tedium and I'd forgotten how odd people are. Guy showing me the ropes so to speak is a nice enough fellow but is obsessed with kung-fu and aftershave. Weird combo but i'm fully serious. First day he asked me had I seen some movie with Tony Ja(I never heard of the guy). I tell him no. He asks me another couple of kung fu related questions and I tell him I don't actually have a tv. He looks at me strangely and tells me the plot of whatever movie he was on about - acts out all the kung-fu moves. He's done this nearly every day for the last month. I was telling my welder buddy about the phenomenon and he was lolling pretty hard. Said he remembered looking up at us one day(about 50 yards away) with me looking bemused and yer man doing kicks and karate chops inches away from my face. Every job we do has to be accounted for in minutes. Actually I don't think anyone gives a fuck but kung-fu-guy is obsessed with it(his third obsession). So day 2 or 3 we were after drilling out some unit and it took 24 minutes. There were 7 units. So he says to me "I must go over to Seamus and get the calculator and see how long 7 units would take at 24 minutes." 168 minutes I say(I've seen countdown). He laughs as if this is ridiculous. Comes back with the calculator and discovers low and behold I'm right. I cannot overstate how impressed he was that a mere human could multiply 7 by 24. A few hours later another genius approaches me. "I hear you're the maths head" errr... " whats ten past two to twenty to five.?" 2 and a half hours I reply. He rolls his eyes "but in minutes..?" A hundred and fifty I tell him. He looks at me like I'm having him on. "you sure?" Yeah. He must have double checked with someone as he came back some time later to congratulate me on my John Nashesque freakiness. The best one he's asked me yet was definitely five past two to five past three. I'm not joking and he was not levelling.

Anyway working again has fucked up my poker/running/reading plan. Played about 3k hands in June and lost about $200. Only managed to read Sweet Thursday and Hotspur if you're reading def check it out if you liked cannery row so much. As strewel says they're practically the same book. Think I enjoyed cannery row a little more for whatever reason but its a worthy sequel. I've pressed on with the running though and am now up to 10 mile runs on sunday and two 5 miles midweek. Missed one run in the course of June as I had to bring in bales after work. The first couple of weeks in the job I was running 8 miles on sunday. I lolled

[8611]

post of the month there, thanks

[Lord Sir Banter]

Name change to rain man.
Good read.